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Many people adored the highly acclaimed NBC comedy The Office because of its colourful characters like Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin Paper Company’s regional manager, who was played by Steve Carrell.

Michael and his colleagues were known for their amusing comments, which made viewers chuckle and shake their heads at times. Read on for some of the most memorable, quotable phrases from all nine seasons of The Office. One of the finest “The Office Quotes” in this article.

Humorous and Iconic The Office Quotes

“I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes.”

Dwight Schrute

“I think that pretty much sums it up…I found it at Spencer Gifts.”

Michael Scott

“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

Andy Bernard

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

Michael Scott

“The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.”

Prison Mike

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

Michael Scott

“A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and um, we all took it really hard.”

Ryan Howard

“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.”

Michael Scott

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

Michael Scott

“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”

Michael Scott

“Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me.”

Oscar Martinez

 “Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.”

Michael Scott

“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”

Michael Scott

“Hey everybody, he’s not in the men’s room. Although the seat was warm, so we may have just missed him.”

Meredith

“How are you not murdered every hour?”

Andy Bernard

“I am Beyonce, always.”

Michael Scott

Humorous and Iconic The Office Quotes

“I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She’s hypoallergenic. She doesn’t struggle when you try to dress her. She’s a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.”

Angela Martin

“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”

Michael Scott

“I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.”

Kelly Kapoor

“I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.”

Pam Beesly 

“I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.”

Angela Martin

“I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.”

Pam Beesly

“I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?”

Kelly Kapoor

“I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get and go sit in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch was paid for. That is the life.”

Stanley Hudson

“I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Kevin Malone

“I kinda know what it’s like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.”

Kevin Malone

“I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate…no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it…Nike.”

Michael Scott

“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”

Michael Scott

“I say dance, they say, ‘How high?’”

Michael Scott

“I think it’s great that the company’s making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or… and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.”

Jim Halpert

Humorous and Iconic The Office Quotes

“I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.”

Creed Bratton

“I’m fast. To give you a reference point. I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.”

Dwight Schrute

“I’ve been involved in a number of cults both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower but you make more money as a leader.”

Creed Bratton 

“If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget, too.”

Ryan Howard

“In the parking lot today, there was a circus! The copier did tricks on the high-wire. A lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator. A strongman crushed a turtle; I laughed, and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.”

Creed Bratton

“In the Schrute family, the youngest child raises the others. I’ve been raising children since I was a baby.”

Dwight Schrute 

“It is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I’d like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.”

Jim Halpert

“It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.”

Dwight Schrute

“It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one, too.”

Stanley Hudson

“It’s true. Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.”

Stanley Hudson

“Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed’s brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I’ve read some of it. Even for the internet, it’s… pretty shocking.”

Ryan Howard

Humorous and Iconic The Office Quotes

“Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.”

Stanley Hudson

“Maybe we weren’t right together, but it’s weird. I’d rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?”

Ryan Howard

“Michael is leaving. And apparently, they’ve already hired a new manager. And we’re meeting him today. It’s a lot to process — paperwork-wise.”

Oscar Martinez

“News flash: You are not special.”

Stanley Hudson

“Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.”

Phyllis Lapin-Vance

“So this is my life — until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.”

Jim Halpert

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

Michael Scott

“Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.”

Angela Martin

“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”

Michael Scott

“There is no such thing as an appropriate joke, that’s why it’s a joke.”

Ryan Howard

“This is ‘parkour’, the internet sensation of 2004. It was in one of the Bond films. It’s pretty impressive. The point is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing parkour as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.”

Jim Halpert

“Today is my b-day, and people around here just go crazy for it. I don’t know why. Oh! Fun fact: I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice-breaker if I ever meet Terry Hatcher.”

Michael Scott

“Today, smoking is going to save lives.”

Dwight Schrute

“Tough day. Yes. But I feel good. I put the office in their place, took a bunch of painkillers, drank a bottle of wine, took my pants off. I just feel good.”

Andy Bernard

Humorous and Iconic The Office Quotes

“We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead, we’d do stuff like… uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… pretendinitis.”

Jim Halpert

“Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan’s big project was the website, which wasn’t doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.”

Oscar Martinez

“When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.”

Dwight Schrute

“Yeah, I’m not a temp anymore. I got Jim’s old job. Which means at my 10-year high school reunion, it will not say ‘Ryan Howard is a temp.’ It will say, ‘Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm.’ That’ll show ’em.”

Ryan Howard

“Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.”

Stanley Hudson

“You guys I’m like really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, Kelly what’s the biggest company in the world? And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.”

Kelly Kapoor

“Your body is a temple. You have to respect it. You can’t just whore it out.”

Angela Martin

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